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3 Blokes, 2Locations, 1 Capri and no
idea……or woods
"I'd love to live in the woods and…..yer
know have a monks outfit and a big fuck
off broadsword" "What?!"
I asked to Jammers sudden out burst. "Well
I'd love to live in the woods in a little
shed and stay there out the way of people,
it'd be great " Jammer explained as
we trundled along in our Capri through some
woodlands. I sat in the front seat looking
out the window and realised he had a very
good point. Jammer often does come out with
great ideas, most likely he when he is inebriated
or coming round after a night of heavy drinking.
I pondered the idea more and more until
I had my own imaginary forest, monk like
outfit, broadsword across my back and even
my own imaginary woodland hideaway. I'd
run through the woods hunting and wittling
things from wood and occasionally someone
from the outside world would catch a small
glimpse of me, then I'd become folklore.
Yes! I'd be known throughout local log burning,
dogs wandering around, real ale serving
pubs as The Wildman of the woods! Then Jammer
entered my imaginary world and he too had
his own outfit and broadsword. He would
also hunt, whittle and build little houses,
then there would be the occasional person
who stumbled across us and join us. After
15 minutes of dreaming we pulled up at a
pub and after a few drinks and bags of pork
scratchings I told Jammer and A.K. Devious
of my imaginary woodland. Devious looked
a little bumused but Jammer's eyes lit up.
We spent 2 hours talking about trees, Ewok
like scenarios and if there would be a little
John type character from Robin Hood in a
our new community.
"How are you going to get woods or
a forest, you can't just sleep in some woods
and build a community, the rangers or police…..or
even army will come after you. They'll think
your starting a cult or something!"
A.K. Devious had a good point, I hate him.
"We could just run into some massive
forest and stay there!" Jammer blurted
out in a very defensive manor. "That
won't work, we need to buy some woods"
I quickly replied to calm Jammer The Wildman
of the imaginary woods.
Once home I turned on the PC and sat down
with a nice cuppa tea and generous slice
of Battenburg cake. I searched the internet
and there it was in all its wonder. www.woodlandforsale.co.uk
. I instantly signed up for their newsletter
and awaited news of a piece of woodland
for sale, preferably in the North West of
England. I also found a man selling a piece
of woodland at the back of his house but
he claimed it had "a magic portal to
other worlds hidden under a giant mushroom"
I thought about this and decided not to
dabble with the fairies and goblins as I
was about to live in the woods. Wildmen
of the woods are almost in the same league
as fairies and goblins, so as not to upset
the magical creatures decided to stay away
from these particular woods. Also Jammer
does have a pixie kind of look to him, so
that could have lead to dubious pixie/fairy
relations, we'll have none of that type
of thing.
Sat in The Griffin public house amongst
the posh locals eating their pasta and drinking
their wines, Jammer clutched his pint of
Cains and I swigged my Newcy Brown. "Ok
so I've got a few woods here but we can't
afford them….and that one is about 300 miles
away, what do we do" I stated as Jammer
poured half a pint into his mouth. "We
need a millionaire!" Jammer concluded
as he waved his arms about for full effect.
We came up with a rough idea on the back
of a soggy beer mat and got to work. The
following letter was drafted the next day,
partly as a way of taking out minds off
a mind numbing hangover and also as a way
of getting our project out to the masses,
the millionaire masses of Britain. No the
World! We sat back, sipped our tea and ate
our digestives, we were happy wildmen. This
was good, really good.
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Contact Wildman ARFIUS ARF of The 4 Bullet
Theory at LordARFIUS@Yahoo.com
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